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The first college football game of the 2019 season is around the corner. While hope and optimism are flourishing in fan bases across the nation, we wanted to remind you that, as awesome as Saturdays are, not everything in college football is always fun and games. Just ask your local Tennessee fan.
So here is an updated list of the 25 most annoying things about college football, all of which you can look forward to experiencing very soon.
1. Noon games
There’s nothing wrong with prepping your tailgate as the sun is coming up and cracking open your first cold one at 9 a.m. But try standing for 4 hours on metal bleachers in the South, in September heat, and you’ll wish it was basketball season.
2. Danny Kanell’s Twitter
Enough said.
3. The ESPNU Team Logos
Good luck warding off nightmares tonight.
4. Preseason polls
The preseason polls only seem to exist to make 1 team happy, 50 teams mad, and every other conference hate the SEC for taking up so many spots. Imagine how much more peaceful our society would be if we didn’t have to argue about rankings all offseason.
5. The Playoff Ranking Announcement Shows
Every Playoff ranking reveal features 10 minutes of stalling and 17 minutes of people yelling. In between is about 3 minutes worth of useful information that could have been summed in a succinct email.
6. Explaining the overtime rules
We’ve had overtime for 2 full decades now. Nobody needs a 2-minute explainer on what’s about to happen. Exceptions apply to LSU and Texas A&M.
7. Targeting
Nothing will make you want to punch a hole through your TV more than your best linebacker laying down a vicious hit, only to be led to the locker room a few seconds later because on slow-mo instant replay it showed he hit with his head tilted a quarter-inch too high.
8. Notre Dame in the Playoff
How many times do we have to teach you this lesson Irish?
Clemson 16, Notre Dame 3
1:44 left in the first half pic.twitter.com/CwDIulYRyA
— Yahoo Sports College Football (@YahooSportsCFB) December 29, 2018
9. Fake message board rumors
Did you hear Nick Saban just bought a house in Austin? Or that the NCAA is about to crack down on Clemson? Also, the No. 1 recruit in the country just gave us a silent commitment! I know because I read it on a message board.
10. Big 12 defenses
Game day at a West Virginia fan’s house …
Fan 1: Sorry, I had to step outside to take a quick phone call. Did I miss much?
Fan 2: No not at all. Both teams scored 80-yard touchdowns and then gave up another 70 yards on a simple draw up the middle. Still tied.
Fan 1: Phew, I was worried I missed something crazy. Like a punt.
11. Halftimes
Sorry marching bands, but 20 minutes is too long. Especially when your team is losing.
12. Boomer Sooner
Thanks, we get it.
13. Playoff games on New Year’s Eve
Football is great and New Year’s Eve is great, but it’s tough to properly enjoy both at the same time — unless you’re in New Orleans. Fortunately, it won’t be a problem this season. The semifinal games are on Saturday, Dec. 28 in Atlanta (Peach Bowl) and Glendale, Ariz. (Fiesta Bowl).
14. The Transfer Portal
Remember the glory days 2 or 3 years ago when none of us had ever heard the term “Transfer Portal.” Now, The Portal determines just about everything, and we’ll probably all be working for it in a few years.
15. Recruits decommitting
“I am so happy to announce I am 100% committed to the University of Florida. I’m a Gator for life baby, can’t wait to get started! UPDATE: I will be signing with the University of Georgia. Respect my decision.”
16. Commitment videos
When did picking up a hat become so complicated?
17. College teams that play in NFL stadiums
What makes the college game so great is atmosphere and tradition, which is tough to come by in a half-empty stadium with Tampa Bay Bucs signs everywhere. Sorry USF.
18. Defending the triple-option
The triple-option has been around for about 100 years and yet most defenses react like it’s something they’ve never seen. Just pop in some tape of Knute Rockne and you’ll be prepared.
19. Michigan State’s new uniforms
What else can be said?
It’s here pic.twitter.com/Jc71CpRsys
— Colton Pouncy ? (@colton_pouncy) August 5, 2019
20. International games
The gesture is nice, but nobody from Australia or Ireland cares about 2 mediocre NCAA teams battling it out in Week 1. Let alone the fact that we have to wake up at 6 a.m. to watch it.
21. The overplayed ESPN intro song
Nothing says college football like Imagine Dragons scream-singing “Centuries” over and over again. Who knows what song ESPN will choose for us to unwillingly get stuck in our heads for the next 5 months, but we’re not looking forward to finding out.
22. When your team can’t kick
Not pointing any fingers … *cough* Alabama *cough*.
23. The middle hour of College GameDay
The beginning of College GameDay gives you chills, and the end is always hilarious, but everything in the middle is usually a mixed bag. By the second hour, the crowd is restless, Lee Corso is taking a nap, and Kirk Herbstreit is probably complaining about something someone said to him on Twitter. You can skip it.
24. The Heisman Ceremony
Speaking of time wasters … the Heisman ceremony has all the drama of a middle school play yet it somehow lasts over an hour. Just let Amazon ship the trophy to the QB on the best team and we’ll all save a ton of time.
25. “Zombie Nation” at kickoff
Sorry, it’s not 2003 anymore.
Houston lives in Atlanta and covers SEC football for Saturday Down South. You can follow him on twitter @hbarber17 or reach out at hbarber17@gmail.com
