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Somersaults Index: How many wins does each SEC coach need to celebrate?
By Nick Cole
Published:
Thanks to the humor of everyone’s favorite Head Ball Coach, SEC Media Days brought lots of talk about doing cartwheels and high-fiving over seven-win seasons.
“We were 7-6, same as Tennessee and the same as Arkansas, and I think they’re sort of celebrating big seasons last year,” Spurrier said. “So we were celebrating also. We were doing some cartwheels and high-fiving after that Independence Bowl game because it was a year that could have gone real South, and guys hung in there and somehow or another found a way to win the game.”
Butch Jones, who is pictured above celebrating with his team like they won a national championship after a seven-point win over a bad Vanderbilt team to finish the 2014 regular season at 6-6, seemed offended at the insinuation that he broke into somersaults.
“Now, I want to make one thing clear. Contrary to reports, there were no backflips, and there were no somersaults,” Jones said in rebuttal. “But I think in the world of college football, you’re judged by wins and losses, but also you’re judged by does your team overachieve or under achieve. And I thought last year’s football team, Team 118, overachieved.”
Since there seems to questions about who did somersaults and whether or not they were justified, we thought we’d help the coaches eliminate some confusion for next season with a 2015 SEC Coaches Somersaults Index.
Coaches: If your team meets these win totals this season, not only is an on-field cartwheel justified … it is required.
2015 Coaches Somersaults Index
Nick Saban (Alabama): 15 wins
Sorry, Nick. You’re a victim of your own success in this index. We need to see a perfect season out of the Crimson Tide in 2015 before such a flashy celebration is warranted.
Bret Bielema (Arkansas): 9 wins
We let Bielema get away with calling a bowl win over Texas to secure a seven-win season “borderline erotic” at Media Days last week, but he’s going to need to step it up a notch to warrant such euphoria next season.
Gus Malzahn (Auburn): 13 wins
Who doesn’t want to the Boom Brothers break into cartwheels following a big win at the end of the season? If Malzahn can manage a return to 13 wins after last year’s fall off, we’ll allow it.
Jim McElwain (Florida): 8 wins
It wasn’t too long ago that an eight-win season at Florida was considered a major disappointment, but McElwain inherits all kinds of issues on the offensive side of the ball. If he’s able to pull eight wins out this schedule in Year 1, it will be a sign of good things to come in Gainesville.
Mark Richt (Georgia): 12 wins
While we really believe Richt needs to get the SEC championship monkey off his back before the Georgia faithful will support a decision to break into somersaults, we’re going to allow it if his team can win the SEC East and a major bowl game.
Mark Stoops (Kentucky): 6 wins
Returning Kentucky to a bowl game is the next step in Stoops’ rebuilding job at Kentucky. If he’s able to get them there after coming so close a year ago, we’ll go ahead and allow some acrobatic celebrations.
Les Miles (LSU): 12 wins
It is really hard to place a number on a guy that has won a national championship at his school, but quite frankly we’re not sure Miles won’t break into cartwheels on the sideline just for the heck of it one Saturday this fall.
Dan Mullen (Misssissippi State): 10 wins
Back-to-back 10-win seasons in Starkville under these SEC West conditions would truly be something to celebrate. Mullen has the best quarterback in the league on his side, but he’s also been picked to finish last in the division.
Gary Pinkel (Missouri): 10 wins
There is a win total up there for Pinkel, but this one really hinges on his ability to win a third consecutive SEC East title. If he pulls that out, he should be able to do cartwheels and then some just to rub it in the face of all his team’s doubters.
Hugh Freeze (Ole Miss): 10 wins
Ole Miss left some wins on the table with last year’s team stumbling to a 9-4 finish. If Freeze is able to best that record this year, backflips with Rebel Black Bear somewhere near the 50-yard line are warranted.
Steve Spurrier (South Carolina): 7 wins
This is admitted special treatment. Another seven-win season is likely a disappointment to South Carolina fans, but the Head Ball Coach can do whatever he wants at this point. If the 70-year-old wants to do a cartwheel after another Independence Bowl win, he has our blessing.
Butch Jones (Tennessee): 9 wins
Similar to Bret Bielema, we are ruling that Butch Jones used up his “rebuilding celebration points” last season and will require another significant boost in team performance before he is allowed another excessive celebration.
Kevin Sumlin (Texas A&M): 10 wins
Sumlin has 28 wins in three seasons at Texas A&M, which averages to just a tad more than nine wins per season. If he’s able to top that average in Year 4 with the schedule on his plate, some tandem handstands with Johnny Football at the bowl game after-party will be allowed.
Derek Mason (Vanderbilt): 5 wins
After back-to-back nine-win seasons under James Franklin, Vanderbilt fell hard in Mason’s first season. A five-win season would signal a return to relevance and be worthy of celebration. A bowl game appearance would warrant dancing in the streets of Nashville.
Nick Cole is a former print journalist with several years of experience covering the SEC. Born and raised in SEC country, he has taken in the game-day experience at all 14 stadiums.
