Texas and OU fans: Your handy guide to SEC football culture

Maybe you’ve heard, the Oklahoma Sooners and Texas Longhorns have abandoned the Big 12 for the Big Leagues, thus swelling the SEC to a robust 16 members. This is all fine and good, of course, because not only is more the merrier but also because both the Sooners and Longhorns bring with them lots of eyeballs.

With that in mind, we here at SDS are conscious that all those eyeballs also will bring first-time visitors to the various SEC campuses – as the Sooners and Longhorns navigate their new surroundings for the first time. Thankfully, yours truly is here to help Texas and OU fans with some well-earned tidbits about their new SEC neighbors …

Alabama: Houndstooth, houndstooth and more houndstooth. Tide fans are still actively getting over their Almighty Saban retiring, so tread lightly there. Their new coach’s last name, DeBoer, sounds an awful lot like “The Bear” in certain Dixie dialects, but please don’t get them confused. Yet.

Arkansas: Unlike the rest of us in the SEC, this is just a day trip for most for Longhorn and Sooner fans. Fayetteville is, well, interesting. Lots of barbecue joints and an above-average football stadium that tends to empty out in the second half of most games are the top things to look forward to.

Auburn: Think of the Tigers much like Oklahoma State or Texas A&M, the perennial “Little Brother” of the state with the perpetual chip on the shoulder. It isn’t “Jordan-Hare Stadium,” either, as the pronunciation is “JER-den.” Guard your toilet paper against possible theft – though doesn’t it feel like a form of cannibalism to chuck said TP at trees?

Florida: You might glean a sense of entitlement that doesn’t quite match the results in Gainesville, largely because the Gators’ 3 championship runs have been bracketed by pretty much abject failure before and since. Mr. Two Bits is gone, but it remains one of the more unique facets of any game-day experience.

Georgia: The bully on the block. Kirby Smart might not consider area traffic laws as much of a concern, but still don’t speed en route to Sanford Stadium. They play between the hedges there, and don’t even think about snipping off a piece as a memento.

Kentucky: Basketball school. Full stop. That said, the Wildcats are usually good for 1 conference upset per season, so be aware. Generally speaking, though, most SEC fans would trade them to the ACC for Clemson in a heartbeat.

LSU: The Tigers have the best pure talent in the SEC, every year. The question always remains how LSU will invariably botch it at some point along the way. Tiger Stadium is like an Erector set, but at night the home team is damn near untouchable. Pay attention to the girls in front of the band, too.

Mississippi State: In contrast to Oxford, there ain’t nothing genteel about Starkville. First, it is legitimately in the middle of nowhere. Second, the cowbells … Dear Saban, the cowbells. The actual on-field product is middling at best, and their main fight is over an egg with Ole Miss, but the cowbells alone give me pause every time I think about Starkville.

Missouri: One of the few genuine enigmas of the SEC. Great academic school, and at times they can field a darn solid football program. Columbia is the second-best Columbia in the conference, though, but at least it is a shortish trip for y’all.

Ole Miss: Oxford used to be a place where they redshirt Miss Americas, but Lane Kiffin has now turned it into a quasi-legitimate powerhouse. Genteel tailgating abounds on The Grove, and they love their Mannings here (minus Peyton, more on him later …) Get ready for a Big 12-style offensive flurry.

South Carolina: If you’re lucky enough to go to the best Columbia during the state fair, then you’ve hit the jackpot. The Gamecocks also do their in-stadium pregame better than anyone else in the SEC. Once kickoff happens, however, the quality plummets.

Tennessee: Be prepared to be wedged into Neyland Stadium, as their rear ends-per-row ratio means anyone even average size will find it snug. They play their theme song after every first down, and a good 15% of the males in the stadium under the age of 30 are named Peyton.

Texas A&M: See Auburn on the “Little Brother” commentary. College Station is a pretty cool place, but the Aggies’ Yell Leaders are among the most bizarre entities in the world of sports. They play Army dress-up there, and their on-field product is also like Army … read: not great.

Vanderbilt: You’ll be in Nashville, near Broadway, which is great and all, but once you’re on Vandy’s campus, there is a definite air of “we are better than all this football hullabaloo …” They’re smarter than you, they’re likely richer than you, but you can also call your score against them. So it is an overall push.

David Wasson

An APSE national award-winning writer and editor, David Wasson has almost four decades of experience in the print journalism business in Florida and Alabama. His work has also appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times and several national magazines and websites. He also hosts Gulfshore Sports with David Wasson, weekdays from 3-5 pm across Southwest Florida and on FoxSportsFM.com. His Twitter handle: @JustDWasson.